Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
