Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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