I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize