I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
