I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
