i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
