i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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