I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
