apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
