I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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