i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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