he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize