wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
