Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
