I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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