it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
