Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
