yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
