Porn is love you can see.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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