I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
