I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Randomize
