roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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