also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
