I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just google imaged poop.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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