turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
