Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize