1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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