i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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