so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
vagina is talking i cant
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
