Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
