I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
