can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
