i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
