Christians are straight up FREAKS
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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