I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
