Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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