we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
