Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
