Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
