Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize