i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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