i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize