glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
