I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
