He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
