fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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