I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
