yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
