i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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