then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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