so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
