This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
