1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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