"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
