Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
