Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
