I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
