People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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