She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
