First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
