my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
