Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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