Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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