I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
