no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
