Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
