So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
