Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize