Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
