Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He did a backflip because drugs
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