There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry about my life...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
