My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
