the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
